Truth is, Everyone has Marriage Problems
Let’s face it. It’s not always something that is openly discussed, but conflict is a normal part of every relationship. Although couples face different types of conflict, we all experience it in some way; the unwashed laundry, stress of a parenting, the in-laws, a pile of bills, an annoying habit, lack of trust, differing sex drives. Pick your poison! So if we all struggle with conflict in one way or another, why do some couples overcome their problems easily while the same problems destroy other relationships? Why do some couples stay together when others move towards divorce? What makes that resilient, happy marriage and how is it different from an unhappy marriage?
The Magic Ratio that Keeps you in Love
Research from renowned relationship psychologist John Gottman tells us that it all comes down to the ratio of a couple’s positive and negative interactions. The simple formula involves categorising a couples’ interactions as either ‘negative’ or ‘positive’. As you can probably imagine, negative interactions include any exchanges where a partner feels hurt, rejected, criticised, hostile, or angry. Interactions are positive when partners are kind to one another, show empathy, show interest, are playful and show affection.
Gottman discovered is that for every 1 negative interaction, it takes another 5 positive interactions to balance it out. Couples with at least 5 positive interactions per 1 negative interaction were stable, happy and resilient. Couples with fewer than 5 positive interactions per 1 negative interaction were dissatisfied and unhappy. Sadly, Gottman could accurately predict divorce accurately 95% of the time in these cases.
What you can do about it
Don’t worry if you think your own relationship hasn’t quite reached the magic 5:1 ratio yet. The best news about all of this is that the ratio can change over time. If a couple is willing to break negative cycles by changing their individual behaviour, they can improve their relationships. This is exactly what Two2Tango does. Who doesn’t want to be happy in their relationship? Who doesn’t want to get to that stable, resilient, and satisfying place? So go ahead, sign up for Two2Tango and start improving your own relationship ratio! You can thank us for your happy, passionate, fun. loving, exciting, sweet, caring relationship later. 😉
